"Please feel free to copy any of these free articles for your own personal use, corporate newsletters or e-mails.  Happy reading...."

                              Susan

"The AhHa Experience"
Ah Ha!! The light bulb goes off in your head and you can see the light, where once there was total darkness. Don't you love....

"Living In The Now"
"If you continue to live in the past, your life will be history."---Corey Donaldson. Do you live in the NOW? Congratulations.....

"Organization Is Power"
Organization. Isn't that a tidy word that conjures visions of personal power, confidence and excellence? Ahhh....to be organized....

"Take off Your Mask!" 
EVERYONE wears masks, even when its not Halloween. The make-believe costumes in which we dress continue....

"Face Your Fears And Do It Anyway"
What would you do today if you knew you couldn't fail and success was guaranteed? Ask yourself this question....

"An Attitude of Gratitude"
"Cicero calls gratitude the mother of virtues, the most capital of all duties, and uses the words grateful and....

"To Forgive Is To Live"
Forgiveness: willingness to stop feeling angry or wanting to punish.
Which is harder: to forgive others or to....

"Beware The Toxic Person"
You're having a happy day. You feel great. Everything is going right. The sky is blue, the grass is green and.... 

"What Men Wish Women Knew"
Married. Single. Divorced. Regardless, at sometime in your life you've had to deal with the opposite sex. The good, the....

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"
Do you want to be a millionaire? More than likely. Regis Philbin knew what he was doing with his new show. Talk about....

"Self Reliance is Essential For Your Success"
When I was in high school, my friend Lloyd Tabb drove an honest to goodness jalopy. It was a fading orange colored....

"I Am Woman Hear Me Snore"
I love to laugh. I love to be around people who make me laugh. I love a great joke. It is funny, however, to reflect on....

"The Key To Happiness Is Simplicity"
Stuff. Stuff. And more stuff. Why do we want so much stuff? The more we acquire in life, the more complicated it....

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"The AhHa Experience"
Ah Ha!! The light bulb goes off in your head and you can see the light, where once there was total darkness. Don't you love when that happens? An AH HA moment provides an empowering awakening where you experience true understanding and clarity.

"An AH HA is an idea that grabs you. But like slippery fish, ideas are liable to get away, never to return, unless we gaff them with the point of a pencil. Write down your AH HA's immediately. When you do, they become yours," describes motivational trainer Joel Weldon in his program "Success Comes in Cans, Not in Cannots."

Writing down great ideas is only the beginning to unleashing your goals and enhancing your memory. Useful information is a valuable commodity in living life more effectively so get it on paper before it gets away.

Are you a list maker? A note taker? A goal setter? Excellent. When you put your ideas on paper you take ownership, which encourages action. Action manifests success.

Throughout our lifetimes we hear fantastic material! Why do our brains insist upon selective memory? Wouldn't you love to remember and tell the funniest jokes you've ever heard? Wouldn't it be great to recall poems or songs that once brought you to tears? Wouldn't it neat to be able to rely more on your brain and less on your daytimer?

"Facts: Even while sailing, Albert Einstein scribbled notes and fragments of formulas in a pocket diary. Charles Darwin filled five journals on his voyages, which shaped his theories of evolution. Elias Howe invented the sewing machine in a dream he recorded the next morning.

"I know what you're thinking: geniuses the lot. It's true. Journals, though, were catalysts to their rich productivity. Even Einstein could forget," wrote Alexandra Johnson in the Oprah Magazine.

The journals which I have written over the years have been a flavorful concoction of diverse ideas. Goals, dreams, list of things to do, "how-to" accomplish tasks, fears, joys, success stories. They have all become fibers to a rich tapestry that not only color my personality, but provide a fabulous remembrance for my personal growth and life's experience.

Even when it's not in journal form, I'll have pages and pages of different lists, goals and ideas throughout my house. Some are to fortify a slipping memory; some are to simplify my life; others are to clarify what I need to get done to be effective and productive.

A blank pad of paper is a beckoning invitation to pour your words and thoughts on paper. In the book, "The Artists Way," Julia Cameron encourages everyone to write something daily and she calls this process the "morning pages" where you write for 15 minutes a day about anything and everything.

"Anyone who writes morning pages will be led to a connection with a source of wisdom within. They map our own interior. The pages lead us out of despair and into undreamed-of solutions," writes Julia Cameron.

Despair can represent disorganization, unrealized dreams, overwhelm from daily tasks, stress from too many details and even an unsatisfied yearning for creative expression.

Pull out your pad of paper and start writing today. Not only will it be fun, but it will strengthen your personal power. AH HA! That's a great idea. Write it down!

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"Living In The Now"

"If you continue to live in the past, your life will be history."---Corey Donaldson

Do you live in the NOW? Congratulations if you have learned to master that wise attitude towards your life's experience.

As thinking, rationalizing beings, we humans sometimes think too much. Regretting what did happen. Wishing something else had happened. Worrying, fretting and agonizing on events that may or may not occur in the future. Those mental gyrations take a lot of energy which when applied to embracing the moment, will ultimately lead to a more satisfying existence.

As a culture, we are ingrained with the Puritan work ethic which teaches us to always be working, producing, improving and striving for a purpose. As a result, idleness can be misconstrued as laziness. Heaven forbid we allow ourselves to be "lazy!"

Productivity and achievement become internal validation for the super achievers. Self-esteem gets caught in the equation and unless we are succeeding, we denigrate our value. This self-imposed stress is a choice. In the long run, its a deliberate choice that compromises the art of living in simple abundance.

One of the first questions that people ask when they meet someone new is, "What do you do? It is as if that question defines who we are and what our values represent. Try answering that question with, "I just am." Wouldn't that be a paradigm shift; to just be? Peace of mind will be found when you can arrive at a comforting silence which allows you to accept yourself and simply BE.

Better yet, change the question to, "What do you do for fun?" The answer to that question can be a lot more interesting than how a person makes their living. What we do for fun is what makes us happy. Life is abundant and true happiness exists in the present moment where you'd rather be in that moment, at that time, than any place else on earth. Do you put conditions on your happiness? I'll be happy if.... I'll be happy when... Conditional happiness is an exercise in futility. How can you give your attention to the full experience of living when you are not present? 

How can we reprogram our habits and allow ourselves to embrace the present and live in the NOW?

1. Do things that give you pleasure NOW. A fine meal, fresh flowers, dancing, going to a movie, smiling, forgiving someone, telling your children or spouse that you love them, calling a friend, random acts of kindness. Carpe diem---seize the day.
2. Create. Creating is a great therapy for releasing the stress of the past or the worry of the future. Painting, cooking, gardening, singing are just a few activities that involve you in the moment and reward you in their fulfillment.
3. Play. Remember what you loved to do as a child and DO IT! Children know what adults have forgotten. Children are captivated by the magic of imagination and maximizing the present for joy. Swing, ride a bike, finger paint, run through the rain and splash in the mud puddles.
4. Allow idleness. "Work is not always required.... there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected," said George MacDonald. Give yourself permission to rest, to enjoy, to be.
5. "Live in day-tight compartments," as Dale Carnegie professed in his book, "How To Stop Worrying and Start Living." The present is our only guarantee since we can't change the past or control the future.
6. Putter. "Puttering is really a time to be alone, to dream and to get in touch with yourself."-- Alexandra Stoddard. To putter is discover. Immerse yourself in the NOW by embracing joyful simplicity in puttering.
7. Count your blessings. Life isn't meant to be a struggle. When bad things happen, stress is overwhelming or people aren't kind, reflect on the abundance you are blessed with. Maintain an attitude of gratitude and life will be more rewarding.
8. Find happiness from within. "When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere."---La Rochefoucauld.

Create the opportunity for everyday epiphanies. Each day we can have a revelation of truth which brings us peace, comfort and happiness when we live in the present moment.

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"Organization Is Power"

Organization. Isn't that a tidy word that conjures visions of personal power, confidence and excellence? Ahhh....to be organized.

Is it attainable? Yes. Organization, like most everything, is a matter of choice. If we feel so great when we're organized, why does it elude us and require continuous pursuit? Often times, it is because we simply haven't chosen it or haven't learned the skills necessary to take control of our lives.

Organized people are made not born so there is hope for all of us. We make the habit and then our habits make us. Breaking poor organizational habits can be a challenge, but well worth it. I admire and envy those individuals who make it look so easy. Yes, Martha Stewart is an alien and I'm in awe of her flawless ability to maintain organizational perfection.

Ask yourself the important questions, Why? What? How? When? The answers will make you wonder why everyone doesn't lead a life of order since we truly can benefit from aligning our details.

WHY organize?

1. It gives you more free time to utilize your energies and talents productively.
2. It makes you more efficient, effective and enthusiastic.
3. It conquers procrastination, which in turn, will give you peace of mind.
4. It reduces stress, makes you feel better about yourself and creates excellent habits.
5. Organization will make room for personal success, self-respect and fulfillment that is blocked when we live in chaos.

WHAT can you organize?

1. Your time. Oh yes, the ultimate. Your time. A day timer is a tremendous power tool, not just for business, but for your home life, social activities, projects, commitments and leisurely fun. It puts your details into glorious formation so that you can seize each day as a champion.
2. Your goals. Don't think it. Ink it. Taking your thoughts and putting them down on paper, turns dreams into goals. Goals are the wind beneath our wings that will propel us into flying high and soaring through life. Without them, life will drag us along while we get beat up and bruised. Personal power is yours for the asking when you organize your goals and apply action. Just do it. Getting dragged by life isn't any fun, so why let it happen?
   Relationships, health, spiritual, career, financial, home, fun, education and emotional growth are just a few areas in your life where you can put excellence into action by being organizing your goals.
3. Your priorities. It is human nature to gravitate to the line of least resistance. As a result, you are not alone if you tend to put off the things you don't want to do as long as possible. Take care of the most important priorities first so that you can relax and not let your procrastination eat you alive.
4. Your stuff. Clutter saps our time, our energy and money. My friend, renowned speaker Don Hutson, says that "clutter is the culprit that sneaks into your life and steals your productivity and peace of mind. His metaphor, "Clutterberg" illustrates that we may only see the tip with physical clutter.
   "Beneath the surface of visible chaos you my find a huge chunk of mental clutter waiting to tear a gaping hole in your dreams. If left unchecked, it can eventually turn into a titanic problem. And it won't go away or melt on its own. You must take action to get rid of it," he says in his book "The Contented Achiever." 
   Don's qualifier for eliminating clutter is, "Use it, Love It, or Let it go." Use that formula when you're preparing for your next garage sale and you'll make a bundle.

HOW can you get organized?
Apply the T.R.A.S.H. principle to your piles, your clutter and anything else that overwhelms and challenges your organizational ability. 

Toss it. Be ruthless and eliminate the clutter in your life. Do you really need so much "stuff?" Stand beside your garbage can when you bring your mail inside. Why keep a closet full of clothes that you haven't worn in 4 years? 

Refer it. Give it to someone who could use it. Goodwill is a great decluttering agent. 

Act on it. Take action and get it done. Turn your piles over and work from the bottom-up. What's on the bottom has been there the longest and needs priority.

Store it. Buy a filing cabinet, use your attic. Just get rid of your clutter!

Halt it. Do you really need 9 magazine subscriptions? Stop the flow of stuff that takes up space, time and energy. The key to happiness is simplicity. 

WHEN can you start to organize? As soon as you finish reading this article. When you take the word NOW and spell it backwards it spells WON. When you seize the moment and do what you need to do now, it will make you a winner.

"I want you to have a life you love. I'd like to see you take your dreams seriously and be able to achieve them. You deserve to wake up every morning excited about the day and what it will bring, knowing that you are organized and prepared for the prize you are going after. You deserve to be a winner." -- Georgene Lockwood

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"Take off Your Mask!"

EVERYONE wears masks, even when its not Halloween. The make-believe costumes in which we dress continue long after the days of childhood.

The trinity of our personality rests in who OTHER people think we are, who WE think we are and who we REALLY are. Sometimes its as if there are three people living in one body who have nothing in common. 

We have very good reasons for wearing our chosen masks, at least that's what we tell ourselves. The reality, though, is that the masks prevent our authentic self from growing into our true potential. It also blocks authentic friendships. We must look beneath the masks to really know a person.

Why do we wear masks? To protect ourselves from getting hurt and to minimize fear. Fear of what? Rejection. Failure. Embarrassment. Insecurity. Exposure.

The irony is that many of the fears we let control us are illusions; not based in true reality. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Let's take a look at some of the common masks that we see among grown-ups:

The "Happy" mask. Put a smile on your face and don't let others see even a glimpse of the pain and hurt that reside within. Just keep your chin up and hide behind the smile so that you won't have to expose your sadness and vulnerability.
This one is my personal favorite. Guilty. If everyone thinks I'm always happy, they'll enjoy my company and like me, right? Usually, but sometimes a constant positive attitude grates on people. 

The "Know-It-All" mask. They think they know everything and they're the first to tell you. While they try to impress others with their expertise, they often alienate people with one-up-manship. You'd think they'd realize this since they know everything.

The "Perfectionist" mask. This mask makes us look so good. Too bad it is unrealistic and unobtainable. Its an illusion to think that being perfect will make other people like us. The mask can only camouflage the blemishes for so long. When we accept ourselves, others are more willing to accept us. Rather than strive for perfection, personal excellence is a more likely goal and a lot more fun.

The "I've Got It All Together" mask. Everything is fine. I have no problems. I can handle anything. Can't ask for help because others may think that I'm not in control as I want them to believe. What a burden to maintain this illusion.

The "I Don't Need Anyone" mask. I can do it myself. Independence is a worthy goal, yet we all need someone to lean on. Who wants to be an island? Self-reliance is great, but when taken to the extreme, it can be very lonesome.

The "Victim" mask. Woe is me. Ho-hum. Life is so difficult, please have sympathy and give me special attention. Sharing my problems with you will validate my misery and make me feel important.

The "Busy-bee" mask. Look at me. I'm productive, important and have so much to do. Aren't I accomplishing a lot? Yes, but oftentimes at the expense of missing what is really important, like your son's childhood or your Mother's birthday.

Taking off our masks may feel scary and involve risk. Ultimately, we will find that it's safe and people prefer knowing the REAL you. Take off the masks, after all, its only Halloween once a year.

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"Face Your Fears And Do It Anyway"

What would you do today if you knew you couldn't fail and success was guaranteed? 

Ask yourself this question with a blank piece of paper and a pen in your hand. If everything you ever dreamed of was a true possibility, what would you do right now? Remove all limits, get outside of the box and let your imagination run free. 

How does it feel? Exciting? Liberating? Empowering? Possible? Scary? A paradigm shift occurs when we take our thoughts and put them on paper. Don't think it... ink it. These thoughts have power and when they are in writing, they immediately become goals. Goals without limitations.

It is usually not other people or circumstances that prevent us from achieving our goals. It is ourselves. Yes, it is the power of negative thinking that shackles us to mediocrity and prevents us from reaching our glorious potential.

One of our most negative thoughts that sabotages our greatness is fear.  FEAR. False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear enslaves us to self-doubt. It can rear its ugly head almost every time we stretch out of our comfort zone to make a change.

Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of embarrassment or humiliation. Fear of commitment. Fear of letting others down. Fear is self-imposed sabotage that is a choice, whether conscious or subconscious. What fears do you have that are holding you back from living out loud?

Face the fear and do it anyway. Just do it. Do it now. Life rewards action and the confidence that you create from tackling your fears empowers you to do more. Success begets success. Go for it.

The second negative thought that jeopardizes our full potential is excusivitis- the failure disease. "I'm too old. I'm too young. I'm too short. I don't have enough time.

I'm not smart enough. But my health isn't good. I'm unlucky. I'm shy. I may get laughed at. It's never been done before."

Excuses can mire us in paralyzing inertia where we begin to believe that we're incapable of taking the leap.

"Go deep into your study of people, and you'll discover unsuccessful people suffer a mind-deadening thought disease-- excusivitis. Like any disease, excusivitis gets worse if it isn't treated properly."

"Study the lives of successful people and you'll discover this: all the excuses made by the mediocre fellow could be but aren't made by the successful fellow," writes David Schwartz in "The Magic of Thinking Big."

We are what we think and when we are self-deprecating, our negative thoughts manifest themselves in our own personal struggles. Life is much sweeter when we maintain positive expectancy and pursue our dreams with passion.

The sweetest fruit is at the end of the limb; although the risk is greater, so are the rewards. The majority of people are satisfied with the fruit that has already fallen off of the tree and is laying on the ground. Picking up that fruit doesn't require any risk, any effort or any motivation. But who wants the mushy spoils when life can be deliciously juicy?

The third challenge to setting unlimited goals is the obstacles that we encounter in their pursuit. Obstacles are what we see when we take our sight off of the goal.

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being ridiculous about it," says my friend Michael Scott Karpovich. What a funny guy. Actually, giving up is the easy way out. Winners never quit and quitters never win. Be a winner and stick to your goals.

A fourth block to success is mental laziness. Goal setting is not corny. It is the primary tool for success. My new friend, Marissa Benton, says that it's been shown that only about 10% of Americans set goals. Out of the ones who do, 90% achieve them. Since the results are so rewarding, why doesn't everyone do it?

Be. Do. Have. If you do nothing, you'll have nothing. You must be a friend to have friends. If you do great things, you'll have great things.

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"An Attitude of Gratitude"

"Cicero calls gratitude the mother of virtues, the most capital of all duties, and uses the words grateful and good as synonymous terms, inseparably united in the same character," wrote Bate.

An attitude of gratitude or a prayer of appreciation makes living easier. When life presents challenges, problems and sadness, it can be very difficult to find the "silver lining" in the storm clouds. Every time you think that you have problems, there are millions of people on this fine planet who have it worse than you do.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.

"If you have never experienced the danger of the battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

"If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

"If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful ... you are most fortunate because the majority can, but most do not.

"If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch their shoulder ... you are blessed because you can offer a healing touch.

"If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone cared enough about you to share this passage, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read.

"Have a good day, count your blessings, and pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are!"

When my dear friend and sister, Jane Greene, e-mailed this anonymous writing to me months ago, I kept it for a special occasion. Today I am feeling especially grateful for the joy and abundance that fills my heart and life, hence the spirit of this column.

I observe my happy, healthy, funny, smart children and my heart swells with appreciation. It is an honor to be their mother and I live everyday in awe of the miracle of their existence. My heart breaks for all of the children who are not wanted, loved or treasured in this world.

My husband of 16 years is my best friend and supporter. He is dependable, wise, loving, loyal and a phenomenal father. I'm grateful to have him to go home to and know that he is there for me. The roller coaster ride ride is worth it. The comfort from loving stability is warm and secure.

The women in my life have taught me how to love. The sisterhood shared among my mother, grandmothers, aunts, sisters and nieces unifies our strong, feminine, compassionate grace.

Thank you to the friends who sit in the balcony cheering me on to pursue my dreams and the ones who walk with me side by side.

I'm grateful for my imperfect thighs because it means I have legs to stand on and don't have to depend on a wheelchair to take me places. It is easy to take the simplest blessings for granted. Life is more rewarding when every morsel is appreciated.

I'm grateful for my messy house. It represents the creativity of my kid's artwork, the piles of paper from my research and writings, and the dog hair from our beloved Jack Russell named Skip. Our home is far from perfect, but it happily overflows with the chaos of having slumber parties, running to t-ball games and doing Play-doh on the kitchen table. The stains on the carpet are a sign that children live here and they fill our house with purpose and wealth. Our home wears these badges with pride.

Marianne Williamson, author of "A Woman's Worth," wrote "Some parents teach children, "The world is yours. Go out there and get it. Enjoy yourselves." Other children are taught that the world is a tough place where it's hard to find abundance.

"Children soak up these messages like dry sponges, and they stand in line, with everyone else who has been told by their parents what reality is, to live the lives prescribed for them at a young tender age.

"The economic problems in this country do not stem from financial breakdown, but a breakdown of hope and enthusiasm. How can you be enthusiastic when you don't believe there is anything out there for you, when it seems that others have all the power and get all the breaks?

"We must teach our children that the abundance of the world is infinite and available to everyone because it comes from within us. As we teach our children to bless the world, celebrate the world and embrace the world, we are handing them the keys to success."

When Americans, who live in freedom with abundant resources complain about their lot in life, I lose patience and respect. Our greatest limitation is our attitude. These self-proclaimed victims need to go live in a third world country for a day and realize that they are richer than they could ever imagine. The possibilities are endless.

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"To Forgive Is To Live"

Forgiveness: willingness to stop feeling angry or wanting to punish.

Which is harder: to forgive others or to forgive yourself? Both can be a challenge. Either way, you're only hurting yourself by holding in anger, resentment and blame.

First, let's talk about forgiving others. It is easy to hold grudges. People in your past may have done things to deserve your admonition. Most people have forgiveness figured out backwards. Your negative thoughts about others will inevitably do more harm to you than it does to them. They aren't the ones you're punishing.

It is a glorious liberation to let go of the mind chatter that preoccupies and binds us to resentment. Life can be terribly unfair and bad things do happen to good people. Granted, it is difficult to forgive when we've been victimized, hurt, betrayed or disappointed.

"Half the time, the "guilty" person doesn't even know what's going on in our head! The "guilty" party continues to happily breeze through life while we put ourselves through mental anguish," says Andrew Matthews in his book "Being Happy!"

When you point a finger at others and blame them for why your life is not working, there are three fingers pointing back at you. YOU are ultimately responsible for how you feel, how you act and how you respond. Blaming others is denial at its finest. Give it up. Take responsibility for your emotions. Your subconscious will be grateful for the break.

Second, forgive yourself. Internal guilt and shame can drag our self-image through the mud. Since you're human, you've experienced failure, shortcomings and imperfection. More than likely, you've made some embarrassing mistakes and regretted stupid decisions. Welcome to life. Believe me, we all have. We are fallible creatures.

Stop punishing yourself. Make amends to those you may have hurt and let go of your life sentence. Feeling guilty for the next month or the next 10 years is not going to do anything to change the past.

Angry, bitter people are making a choice about their quality of life. And, of course, they blame others for their misery. They do tremendous damage to their minds and bodies by harboring hate.

"Forgiveness is not the misguided act of condoning irresponsible, hurtful behavior. Nor is it a superficial turning of the other cheek. Rather it is the finishing of old business that allows us to experience the present, free of contamination from the past," states Dr. Joan Borysenko in her book "Fire In The Soul."

There are wonderful rewards that come from forgiving. The ability to let go and get on with living is worth the effort, albeit difficult. 

The mental and emotional benefit is that we become happier people. An optimist laughs to forget; a pessimist forgets to laugh. By forgiving, we surrender to our natural propensity for joy. We are able to reclaim an inner sense of calm where we discard the stress that haunts our conscience.

"A wise man will make haste to forgive, because he knows the full value of time and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain," said Rambler.

Physically, we feel renewed from forgiveness. You don't get ulcers from what you eat. You get ulcers from what's eating you.

Happier people live longer, healthier lives. Internalized resentments have physical manifestations. The stress of bitterness can be blamed for illness, disease, heart attacks, depression, fatigue, and migraines. Need I go on?

It is YOUR choice whether you get on with enjoying life or stay mired in the pain of the past. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Choose wisely.

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"Beware The Toxic Person"

You're having a happy day. You feel great. Everything is going right. The sky is blue, the grass is green and even the birds are singing. 

And then. Out of nowhere. Lightening strikes. It doesn't come from the sky. The jolt is from the negative energy of a toxic person.

You know the type don't you? The "energy vampire" who sucks out all of your good juices and leaves you like a shriveled prune. Their sour disposition can overshadow your good attitude and contaminate your well. Yikes!!!

Beware; you are entering the toxic zone. What are the warning signs? Who are these difficult people? What do they do that makes them qualify for toxic status? 

• They blame other people for their failures, mistakes and disappointments.
• They are quick to criticize, judge and find fault in others.
• They relish gossip and spread rumors.
• They belittle other people to make themselves look better.
• They are very needy and want their problems to be your top priority.
• They get what they want by laying on guilt, complaining or manipulating.
• They can be two-faced so watch what you say around them.
• They tend to be insensitive to other people's feelings and their bite can sting.
• They can be arrogant braggarts who are masters of one-up-man-ship.
• They find humor at the expense of other's shortcomings or misfortunes.
• They will try to recruit you as an ally to be a diner at their venomous feast (hence, the cliché "misery loves company").
• They can spin an elaborate web and if you unsuspectingly get drawn in, you can get mired in their negativity before realizing what happened. If you're not careful, they will eat you alive!

If you are one of these people, knock it off! Life is to short and you aren't fun to be around. Didn't your mother ever tell you, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all?" You can catch more bees with honey than vinegar.

Have I described anyone you know? It is scary, isn't it? Everyone of us, at sometime or another, has been infected by their poison. Have you ever found yourself walking on eggshells around this type of person so that you don't stir their wrath? Or have you held your tongue to avoid confrontation?

I like most people, trust what they say and look for the best in situations. As a result, when I'm sabotaged by a toxic person's negativity, I'm caught off guard. When the interaction is over, I'll review in my mind what occurred and think of all of the perfect things I wish I had said. Discretion is the larger part of valor.

Here are some tips that will help fortify you against the barrage of painful barbs that toxic individuals may throw your way:

1. Avoid them. Don't subject yourself to their punishment. They will deplete you if you allow them.
2. Use humor to take the wind out of their sails and choose the lighter side of life.
3. Counteract their hostility with compliments and inject a positive perspective.
4. Defend the person they are criticizing who is not there to defend themselves.
5. Put your foot down and don't tolerate their human chess game.
6. Change the subject and ask them, "What is the best thing happening in your life?"
7. Run, Forrest, run!!!
8. Maintain a positive attitude and don't give away your power. You are ultimately responsible for how you allow other people to make you feel.
9. Use upbeat words. Never talk down. Practice positive expectancy.
10. "Know that you are yourself a miracle. And believe you can make miracles happen by thinking, praying, believing, working and helping people," said Norman Vincent Peale.

My dear friend Mary Seals Evans once told me that unless she loves a person and they are significant to her, they cannot hurt her. If they try, she thinks of them like furniture and simply rearranges the room.

"I like me best when I 'm with you." Surround yourself with people who make you feel great about yourself and give you positive reinforcement. We are what we think and positive thoughts create positive results. May the force be with you.

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"What Men Wish Women Knew"

Married. Single. Divorced. Regardless, at sometime in your life you've had to deal with the opposite sex. The good, the great, the bad and the ugly.

Love is a glorious thing! Relationships with the opposite sex, however, can be an unending roller coaster ride. Hold on for the ride of your life.

Fact: men and women are on different planets. Perhaps in different universes. There would be a lot less suffering on this planet if men and women could understand what the other wanted, needed, desired and felt. Neither side is psychic.

John Gray, author of "Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus", enlightened the world with his celestial metaphor. His book should be required reading to get your marriage license.

The truth in his premise is comical. According to Dr. Relationship Expert, when a man gets mad, he needs to go into his "cave" to be alone and decompress. The problem is that his lady wants to follow him in and "talk about it". YIKES. Ladies, let him be a caveman. It's going to happen anyway!

Our friend, Fred Sheller in Pensacola, recently sent an e-mail that had both my husband and I howling. The anonymous author lives somewhere in cyberspace, which is another world unto itself.

You'll enjoy this no matter what sex you are because you'll be able to relate to the humor of the truth (however painful). The e-mail was entitled: "Things Guys Wish Girls Knew."

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.
2. Crying is blackmail.
3. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
4. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always the best. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by that time, you're stuck with her.
5. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
6. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to: expect and answer you do not want to hear.
7. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
8. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secrets girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.
9. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
10. Let us ogle. We are going to do it anyway. It's genetic.
11. Whenever possible, please say whatever it is you have to say during the commercials.
12. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done...not both. If you already know best how to do it, do it yourself.
13. All men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit not a color. We have no idea what mauve is.
14. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you're lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
15. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
16. We are not mind readers and never will be.
17. Sunday=sports. It is like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
18. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
19. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most any question.
21. Shopping is not a sport and no we are never going to see it that way.
22. Check your oil. Please.
23. No. We do not know what day it is. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
24. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
25. If women knew what we were thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.

Ladies, it's sad, but true. These are the facts of life. The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a male is when he's a baby! Live with it.

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"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"

Do you want to be a millionaire? More than likely. Regis Philbin knew what he was doing with his new show. Talk about ratings! The fantasy of becoming rich is America's favorite pastime.

The Florida Lottery alone has generated billions of dollars from millionaire wanna-bees. Our capitalistic country provides us the unprecedented opportunity to actually become millionaires if we work hard and work smart. It does not have to be a fantasy. 

The Good News: There are over 5 million millionaires in the United States today. In 1980, there were only 700,000. That is an impressive statistic that should excite you. For the most part, these Americans are first generation millionaires who did not inherit their money. They made the American Dream a reality.

More Good News: It is available to you. Bill Gates started in his garage. Mrs. Fields started in her kitchen. A poor upbringing is no excuse if you set your goals high and work towards them. Andrew Carnegie, one of the wealthiest industrialist of all time, was raised in poverty. His legacy changed the world.

"Millionaire Next Door", by Thomas Stanley and William Danko, makes for interesting reading. It's a real eye-opener to learn that the typical American millionaire is not driving an imported car, wearing designer clothes, living in a $300,000 house or vacationing abroad. 

Quite the opposite is true. The average American millionaire drives used cars, shops for bargains, lives in a moderately priced home, raises his/her children to be educated and self-reliant, is a fastidious investor and lives below his/her means.

Looks can be deceiving. I've had many friends who belong to country clubs, own fast boats, buy the best of everything and live on credit. First impressions would make you believe they are wealthy. If they lost their jobs, however, they would barely be able to cover their bills for three months. That is the antithesis of freedom.

Appearances aside, the real scorecard for how you're doing in the money game is simply your net worth. It doesn't matter how much you make if there is nothing left to show for it. Your attitude towards money will determine your financial security, not how much you make.

Millionaires are made by saving, not spending. What some people mistake for the high cost of living is the cost of living high.

My husband and I have worked very hard and saved very smartly. Our motivator has not been a certain car, a certain house, or to impress others. It has been freedom. FREEDOM.

Our debt-laden nation faces real problems as "immediate gratification" has become the mantra of marketing. Visa wants you to imagine the possibilities. Don't be lured into the credit debt trap because it makes you a slave to bills. The pleasure of spending is short-lived when your statement arrives in your mailbox.

One of the most powerful forces of the universe is compounding interest. I believe that teaching children a productive attitude towards money will get them a lot farther in life than algebra or calculus, but that's another column in itself.

Pay yourself first. Once your money is put into your savings, forget about it and live as if you don't have it. Long term investing makes for financial security. The greatest risk is to not plan for your future.

Make savings a habit. It is all right to dream dreams. Take risks when the chance of return is the greatest. Some risks are worth taking so invest in your future, not Tommy Hilfiger. Wouldn't you like to be the millionaire next door? Start saving today!

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"Self Reliance is Essential For Your Success"

When I was in high school, my friend Lloyd Tabb drove an honest to goodness jalopy. It was a fading orange colored Datsun station wagon. The purple tinting on the windows was bubbled and curling up on the edges. The hood was decorated with a painting of a giant blue bat.

It was the ugliest car in the parking lot and the butt of many jokes. We all called it the "Bat Mobile". Having your own set of wheels at 16 years old is right up there with breathing, so why be picky, right?

I later learned that my friend's parents were wealthy and owned a plantation north of town. When he wanted a car, they said, "Okay, but you're going to have to work to earn the money to buy one." 

That orange "Bat Mobile" became the most beautiful car at school because it was the reward of a young man's self-reliance. Could his parents have bought him a car? Of course. They wisely chose to give him integrity, work ethic, self respect and responsibility instead.

Today, Lloyd is a self-made man who owns an educational software company and gives back selflessly to young people. His success is a direct result of his self-reliance.

Give me a fish and I'll eat for a day. Teach me to fish and I'll eat for a lifetime.

When parents give their kids everything on a silver platter, they are not doing them any favors. Self-reliance is essential to success. If parents thwart their children's much-needed independence by doing everything for them, they are setting them up for failure.

Although I cannot bear to think of my children moving away from home, I am raising them to leave me. The better job we do as parents to make them self-reliant, the more empowered they will be to feel good about themselves and make responsible decisions. As a result, they must experience the consequences of their behavior: good, bad or ugly.

Responsibility = Freedom. Sounds contradictory, doesn't it? When you take responsibility for your feelings, your behavior, your attitude, your integrity, your goals and your future, you are in control of your life. You are free to create the life you desire.

People who put their lives in the hands of others are not only setting themselves up for disappointment, but they become self-appointed victims when they don't like what others do to them or with them.

You are capable, intelligent and powerful? You are in the driver's seat of your life and if you hold onto that wheel, you will determine the direction of your destiny. You also will determine your inner peace and happiness.

"The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily. This is the man of moderation, the man of manly character and of wisdom."--Plato.

I moved away from home at 18 years old and had to rely on myself for survival. I took a full-time job to support myself and pay my bills while I went to school. Thankfully, my grandparents generously paid for my college tuition and books so that I could obtain an education. I will always be grateful for their legacy.

As a young adult, I lived on salads, canned soup and macaroni & cheese. I remember floating checks, hoping that my paycheck would go in before my bills hit.

I drove a very used AMC Hornet hatchback, 3 speed stick shift car without air conditioning. I bought some clothes at Goodwill and went to the county health facility for my medical needs. Humility builds character.

I had to borrow $100 from my boyfriend to turn on the heat in my apartment my first cold winter. I worked to pay back every penny to him. He must have thought I was a good credit risk because he later married me! Now, 20 years later, his investment is still paying off!
"If it's to be, it's up to me." In retrospect, I am grateful that my parents didn't indulge my every need and want. I learned to stand on my own two feet. My eventual career success was a direct result of my self-reliance. Since I created my own reality, it made my success all the more sweet. 

The work ethic that I learned gave me the confidence to know that if I lost every dime and had to start over, I'd be fine. The only time that success comes before work in in the dictionary.

There are many keys to happiness, but self-reliance is absolutely the backbone for your success. What can you be doing now to practice and acquire self-reliance?

1. Set challenging goals and work towards them.
2. Learn to manage your money responsibly. Millionaires are made by saving, not spending.
3. Depend on yourself to honor your commitments and keep you promises.
4. Be self-accepting, persistent, tolerant and polite.
5. Live in integrity.
6. Happen to life... don't let life happen to you.

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"I Am Woman Hear Me Snore"

I love to laugh. I love to be around people who make me laugh. I love a great joke. It is funny, however, to reflect on how my sense of humor has changed through the years.

Jokes that I thought to be hilarious when I was 20 are really stupid now. We become tempered by maturity, wisdom and political correction. Sometimes that is a good thing.

We have to be careful these days or we might get sued for discrimination or harassment or offending someone. So be it. We can still have a great time with deep belly laughs, even if it is at our own expense.

My mentor, Dr. Joe Carnley, motivational speaker extraordinaire, encouraged me to buy books on humor to intertwine in my seminars with kids. Humor is what hooks and keeps an audience. It is a pretty good hook in relationships too!

On a recent visit to Books-A-Million in Destin, I scoured their shelves looking for inspiration and usable ideas. Thank you Dr. Joe! As I stood at the Humor section reading titles and flipping through books, I started to howl. I was laughing so hard that people walked past to see who the nut was that was causing such a raucous and disturbing the peace. Where did they think they were, a library? I usually only do this in front of the greeting cards at the grocery store.

Move over Jerry Seinfeld. If you want a good laugh, run, don't walk to a bookstore near you and visit the humor section. Are you ready? Here are just a few titles that will make you smile:

"My Cat's Not Fat, He's Just Big Boned", "I Am Woman Hear Me Snore", "Women Are From Venus And Men Are From Hell" (I don't mean to offend you gentlemen), "The Road Less Graveled", "Didn't My Skin Used To Fit?", "Who Cut The Cheese?" and "Over The Hill & On A Roll." The list goes on, but my editor won't give me that much space!

In my rowdy, happy stupor I turned around and realized that the Self Help section was on the opposite side of the aisle. That is usually my hang-out and reading destination of choice. At that moment, I had an Ah-Ha experience.

The Self Help row is 3 times the size of the Humor section. If more people would buy more books that made them laugh, they wouldn't need all those books on how to fix themselves. They'd be happier. What an irony.

Humor abounds and recognizing it will add great joy to your life. One of my funniest friends is Cindy Cooper-Small. As a joke, she and her husband George, were the proud recipients of 12 baby chickens. The cute, fuzzy, chirping golf balls warmed her heart and they decided to keep them. They were really adorable. For a week. Then the fuzz turned into feathers. Oh well, that happens to the best of us.

Making the most out of their parenting experience, they named a few of their newly adopted children after tasty entrees: Alfredo, Dumpling, Teri Teryaki and Pot Pie. You know what they say about farm animals... name them and you'll be too attached to eat them. Eggs are exempt.

Her experiences have been so hilarious that she is writing a book, "How To Get To The Top Of The Pecking Order" about her life as an involuntary chicken farmer. Now, seven years later, she has one chicken left. In "chicken years" Sugar would be about 150 years old! The power of poultry!

Laughter comes when you least expect it. One night as my husband enjoyed a business dinner with his contemporaries, they ordered drinks. When the waitress brought a tray with more than 12 ice-cold drinks on it, she mad a wrong move and poured the entire tray down my husband's back. When E.F. Hutton speaks... The silence in the room was breathless in anticipation of his explosion. Out of pure humor, he raised his arms in surrender and said "I guess the drinks are on me!" Laugh at yourself before anyone else can.

Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. Humor lightens our load, lessens our suffering, spreads happiness, keeps us humble and makes life a lot more fun.

In the words of Joel Goodman, "Humor is a wonderful way to prevent a hardening of the attitudes." Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.

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"The Key To Happiness Is Simplicity"

Stuff. Stuff. And more stuff. Why do we want so much stuff? The more we acquire in life, the more complicated it makes our lives.

Wanting it is better than having it because once you get it, for the most part, it just takes up space in your life, ties you down and comes with debt.

My friend, Sara Steyerman, inspired this column when she sent me an e-mail entitled "Stuff Owns You." Her enlightened view of materialism affected my perspective on what we really need and what we merely want. There is a big difference, you know.

The following message came from the website infowest.com. I hope you will enjoy it. After you read this, you may want to have a massive garage sale!

"Wash it, dry it, fold it, iron it, have it cleaned, repair it, wax it, dust it, pack it, sweep it, paint it, pick it up, put it back, hang it up, file it, store it, insure it, oil it, shelve it, stack it, separate it, rearrange it, protect it, service it, recondition it, untangle it, refill it, polish it, remodel it, or display it.

"SOME ALTERNATIVES: REFUSE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE, GIVE IT AWAY, SELL IT, RECYCLE IT, COMPOST IT, OR BURN IT FOR FUEL.

"Paradoxically, the things we think we own really own us, consuming our time and our energy. We spend a third of our life sleeping, and much of what is left is spent standing in lines, watching TV, or working on more things to own and take care of.

"Very few precious hours are left for service to others or non-material pursuits that lift our minds and our spirits. If you feel unfocused and pressed for time, look around your home and identify the things that demand regular attention or maintenance.

"Are they worth the time and energy expended on them? If not, ... unload! Take laundry baskets or boxes from room to room, collecting the things you have no need for, or emotional attachment to, and get them OUT of the house.

"Our devotion to junk and other material security blankets not only detours us from accomplishing our missions here on earth, but steals time from us that could be spent with those who need and love us.

"As mentally competent individuals, we are truly only alive in relation to our understanding and practice of eternal laws of truth, our independence from commercialism, our avoidance of conspicuous consumption and addictions and the embracing of love, light, charity and service.

"Just as passengers in a hot air balloon throw heavy bags of sand overboard to rise higher in case of unforeseen obstacles, we too, need to discard ballast in the form of material attachment in order to be lifted closer to the light and true happiness."

Simplicity applies to everything in our lives, not just stuff. Complexity can stress out and burden our relationships, our schedules, our communication, our finances, our feelings and our businesses. The KISS principle is a true colloquialism: Keep It Simple Stupid! You've heard that your entire life, but are you applying it?

Ralph Waldo Emerson was a prophet on inner well-being and fulfillment. He said, "Nothing is more simple than greatness; indeed, to be simple is to be great."

Ask yourself what is not working in your life and where you are unhappy or disappointed. In many instances you will find that you have too much on your plate, too much in your closet or too much in your day-timer. It is time to simplify!

Longfellow once wrote, " In character, in manners, in style, in all things, the supreme excellence is simplicity." 

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